Confusion

the past few months have been tough. i went to university for a while and had really high hopes, but everything ended up crashing and burning down like a house of cards set on fire. i never even had a real chance for success, but i was way too naive to see it at the time. to make matters worse, the whole semester started on the wrong foot and i ended up not having access for textbooks for two whole months. my mental health deteriorated and i realized very quickly that it just wasn’t going to work out- so i quit. don’t get me wrong, i’m glad i went for a while, i’ve learnt a lot of new things and some very important life lessons, but it just wasn’t the right time. i do want to go back but only when i know exactly what i’m looking for and am more settled on the reason i’m there in the first place.

but for now, i have no idea. i have no idea what i want to study, i have no idea what i want from life. i feel like i have no skills that can be used in the working world and zero self confidence. i don’t feel prepared for life at all and i don’t even know how this world works anymore. i really want to work towards something, but i have no idea where to even start looking because nothing is safe or guaranteed. things that kind of interest me, and when i say “kind of” i mean kind of, because i’ve never actually tinkered with any of them enough to claim real interest, are either impractical, lack opportunities or are way too niche or insane to even consider looking into.  i want to give myself a break, but at the same time i’m afraid of wasting time and losing myself.

university has kind of been the light at the end of the tunnel since i can remember, and having it not worked out the way i expected has really put me in a very uncomfortable place. i don’t know what to do, i feel like i’m standing in a pit of quicksand with nothing to hold on to.

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